Well probably everybody is busy preparing for their end of years examinations right now and I'm currently having my one week September holiday . Yes . I'm still in Secondary School and have so called "September School Holidays" . I'm in Secondary 5 and yes it's my O'Levels year . I probably could spend more time revising than actually blogging but things just isn't going right probably you'll know more at the later part of this post . Well yeah so basically I wouldn't say I've really revised for my O'Levels but i'm actually starting . O level is like in 30+ days time and I really really got to buck up .
Been trying to live up my life for the past few months . And 2014 definitely been a rollercoaster ride for me . Just like how my day actually could go from the best day ever to a day I never wanna be alive on . What actually matters more to me actually is . Friendship . and thats what i'm always hurt about .
But am I really the strongest person in the world ?
I've been really caught up in this friendship of where people who used to be so closed with you aren't with you anymore . Just because they have others replacing me . Those brothers you once called brothers ? They just seems like they live pretty well without you . It's almost time for me to graduate from secondary school and proceed to polytechnic course of studies and most probably meet a whole new friends . But who am I gonna meet? Will things get better over there?
Have anyone actually been in this situation where you actually had this best friend . Both of you only have each other at first and were very close just like the best-est buddy . And after a few years you guys are still close , but probably started hanging out with more people other than ourselves . And then things just started to get hay wire and then the people you introduced into the clique actually gets closer to your best buddy instead of you and then it just somehow seems like they are both doing well without you . Ah....? How is one supposed to feel about this eh. I don't really know. They just get together like how the North Magnet and South Magnet gets attracted to each other . Everytime they meet they hit it so well and then when they meet with you its mostly just like how North and North magnets meet. They repel. It just seems so wtf like how someone so closed to you before is now probably just another "close" friends . Whatever they do they just tend to get together like everything they do. Almost everything. Unless it exceeds their limits . If not . They are just together . Situations like during any lesson you just have to get a buddy and pair up to do something and then they automatically got together and i'm here just like ....? what about me . lol . Having the feeling of being left out sucks so much . And when you ask one of them out and they be like oh what about "the other one" ? is he/she coming ? and i'm here being like wtf i'm asking you out why are you asking about others do you wanna go out with them so much instead of me ... ? And then things just starts to get worst where you probably just hates to see them together . Whenever they are together they just seems to have hell loads of fun and when they are with you they seems to be like just here for nothing . And things just starts to get more and more awkward and you just see them being awkward when they are with you most of the times . And then they can be hell loads of happy when they are with each others . I just hate situations like this . Like . Why am i the one being replaced ... ?
It's my O'Level year and then i'm facing stress like this i really really couldn't take it its like I spend more time thinking about shits and stuff than studying . I tried to study and stop thinking but thing just wouldn't work . I tried to talk to people about it but i found that the amount of people able to talk to me aren't a lot and isn't always free for me . I just feel so . Alone . Like I've got nobody else in the world , except for me . Where were those we once called brothers ? Where were those that said they wouldn't leave ? Where were those that promised to be there anytime ? Where . Why didn't anybody come and consoled me.
Life just seems pretty fucked up for me this year . I've been replaced and losing lots of relationships a lot and it really just isn't good . It's just making my year suck so much I wish i'm taking O'Level next year instead . I really don't want all these problems to be affecting me so much that in the end it'll only affect my O'Levels result . I really hope everything will end asap. It's really hard finding people to talk to about this . I mean like . Who really does understand ? And who is really willing to understand? lol.
Why is it that I tried so hard and yet i'm never anyone's priority. Why is it that my priority doesn't put me as its priority. Why is it that the person I want , doesn't want me?
well thats a nice emoji that i could find to fit this context HAHA .
When will life ever be better for me? lol. I need to get over this soon .
Time will tell everything. I just hope you're gonna be a blessing not a lesson.
No comments:
Post a Comment